Openly Obscure

Before I get started, make sure to read my last post about no expectations, no disappointments here...I wrote this about a year ago so keep in mind that I was in a different frame of mind than I am currently!

Just backtracking; I was single, confused and somewhat of a bitter bee towards relationships. I'm not sure if this was before or after I got accepted into the Rutgers MBA program but I'm pretty sure it was before...because I bet I would have sounded a bit more happier, haha. So anyways, back on point fast forward to the now...everything has changed and for the better.

I learned many things over the last year. First, there is no possible way you can have "no expectations." This is purely figurative speech, but can never apply in reality. No matter how hard we try and what we do, we always expect things from those closest to us and from ourselves. Whoever was the author of the quote "No expectations, no disappointments" I believe meant for us to not take it for its literal meaning but in such a way that we don't drown ourselves in expectations...

It's healthy to have some expectations; you expect to work hard and to be rewarded, you expect to fall in love and you expect to have a fulfilling life. These aren't extraordinary expectations but when you focus too much on your expectations and don't work for what you "expect" then you never get anywhere. It's not only healthy but its also reasonable.

Expectations are like goals but the difference is that you work towards a goal but with expectations you anticipate it will happen.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. So last January I finished my GMATs, I had applied to RU MBA and I got in...I honestly didn't expect that but I did hope for it and it happened. Then three months later, I happened to stumble upon a beautiful girl who I am head over heels about...did I expect to find anyone at the time? Of course not, but it happened. The point that I'm trying to make here is that, Yes, I did expect that I would be going to graduate school and I tried my hardest and studied for the GMATs and it paid off. I expected that I would find a beautiful girl...eventually...and fall in love, etc (hopeless romantic in me, I guess).

What you don't know is that during the time I was single I focused on self-introspection and I'm really glad I did. I think everyone should do it at one point in their lives. Look at why things didn't work out in the past, figure out what you want from the present and then plan for the future.

I expected things to always fall in place before January 2009 but I never worked for it. I know now that you can only expect so much without leading to too much disappointment but things generally work out in the end...generally.

Healthy expectations help us with our daily lives, our goals and usually give us minimal disappointments. It's about having faith, not overbearing faith, but enough to know that it will happen without focusing on it. Life is a giant puzzle and you can't expect to solve it...ever. Just put as many pieces as you can together and hopefully someone else whether a higher power, friends or family are there to help you with the rest.

Seriously? This story really hit me today. I can’t believe how someone could even do this to another human being let alone someone you liked/loved. I know revenge is sweet but this is just ridiculous. It’s stories like this that give our men and women of the Armed Forces a bad rep. They could be half way around the world risking their lives for our freedom but let one bad egg ruin it for the rest. It’s no wonder that Marines like many other of our valiant men and women are given a stereotype of “psychotic.” And it is not their fault when returning from combat that torture and punishment is not in general terms of the regular US public. Psychologists and psychiatrists will tell you that most if not all men and women cannot adjust to civilian life and that’s why many of them go back to war because it’s “all that they know.”

Now I can’t say from my point-of-view because I have never served but I do have friends who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan and they debate going back to help their brothers in arms. And because the adjustment is just too huge – you’re literally fighting for your life and now you have to support your family through a regular job, “cool down” to civilian life. It has to be tough.

First the puppy incident as show in the following Youtube video and now this?

It’s just not believable…at least I would like not to believe it. It’s so harmful to the image of the brave souls around the world protecting us every day. War makes you crazy and although I don’t agree with the war anywhere around the globe I support the valiant men and women that defend this country with their blood. But stories like this help me “stereotype” that they are crazy and not to be “f’d” with.

This not only applies to our beloved men and women of the Armed Forces but everyone in the world has different stereotypes. Stereotyping never gets anyone anywhere and makes them ignorant for what people really are. You can say that all Muslims are extremists but they really aren’t, only the ones you see on TV and terrorist videos. But this isn’t their entire society. The same thing can be said about every race, culture and religion. They might be true about a few people but stereotyping never does anyone justice. It’s up to us to differentiate between whether to believe and focus on the stereotype or to move on and actually get to know the person before we “pre-judge” them. A few bad eggs shouldn’t spoil the entire carton.

I found this article on Yorkshire Evening Post...pretty interesting stuff. I can definitely say that when I was depressed I would spend more time on the Internet; chatting, surfing, wasting away time until it would be time to sleep. I think many of us pretty much do this considering depression numbers have skyrocketed in the last few years...what do you think?

Internet surfers caught in a web of depression
Published Date: 03 February 2010 (link)
A "dark side" to the internet suggests a strong link between time spent surfing the web and depression, say psychologists.
British scientists found that the longer people spent online, the less likely they were to be happy.

A small group of the worst affected individuals were both depressed and addicted.

But it was not clear whether using the internet causes mental health problems, or whether people with mental health problems are drawn to the internet.

More work is needed to answer this "chicken and egg" question, say the researchers.

Study leader Dr Catriona Morrison, from the Institute of Psychological Sciences at the University of Leeds, said: "The internet now plays a huge part in modern life, but its benefits are accompanied by a darker side."

The scientists employed the internet to carry out their research.

An online questionnaire was used to assess levels of internet dependency and depression in 1,319 individuals ranging in age from 16 to 51.

In general, the longer people spent online the more depressed they tended to be, the scientists found.

"There was a high correspondence between the amount of time spent on the internet and levels of depression," said Dr Morrison. "If you look at how dependent people feel they are on the internet that is likely to correspond with how happy or sad they feel."

Her team identified a small group of 18 hard-core internet users who spent many hours online each day and were classed as "internet addicted".

Their average depression score was more than five times higher than that of non-addicted users, and they were more likely to be moderately or severely depressed.

The addicts spent proportionately more time browsing porn sites, gaming sites and online communities. They also tended to be young, having an average age of 21.

Although they only made up 1.2% of the total number of participants, this was a higher fraction than the 0.6% of people in the general population who are addicted to gambling.

"While many of us use the internet to pay bills, shop and send emails, there is a small subset of the population who find it hard to control how much time they spend online, to the point where it interferes with their daily activities," said Dr Morrison.

"Our research indicates that excessive internet use is associated with depression, but what we don't know is which comes first - are depressed people drawn to the internet or does the internet cause depression?

"Now we need to investigate the nature of that relationship and consider the issue of causation."

Incidents such as the spate of suicides among teenagers in the Welsh town of Bridgend in 2008 have led to questions about the psychological dangers of social networking sites. Some experts are worried about their potential for fueling depressive thoughts in vulnerable teenagers.

Dr Morrison, whose research appears today in the journal Psychopathology, added: "This study reinforces the public speculation that over-engaging in websites that serve to replace normal social function might be linked to psychological disorders like depression and addiction.

"We now need to consider the wider societal implications of this relationship and establish clearly the effects of excessive internet use on mental health."

Do any of you ever feel like you are just aimlessly wondering the web searching for something or find yourself on it for countless hours just rambling to your buddies about the same old thing?